Somewhere in the Middle

I now drive about 20 minutes to get to work every day. Now, this has been part of my "adjustment process"... especially since I was used to driving a very short 3 or 4 minute distance to work for 7 years! I've told myself that the biggest part of adjusting to the changes that have taken place in my life over the last few weeks is how I choose to view things. So, I have really tried to to find the positive in everything. And, actually, I have found that I enjoy the drive to work. I enjoy the time to settle down and use the time to think about what I need to do, I talk to John Owen (if he's in a talking mood), I take in the things I see, I enjoy listening to some of my favorite CD's,...you get the idea. I noticed not long after making the drive to and from school, that I pass at least 3 small churches along the way, all of whom have a message of some kind posted for passers-by like me to read. I always pay attention to these messages and often try to picture the person who came up with the words.

Certain messages, whether posted on a billboard or sign, or heard on a song from your favorite CD, can speak to you if you let them. There is a certain song on my Casting Crowns CD that I have let myself listen to almost everyday as I have traveled to and from my new job. I love it! I guess I like it so much because it reminds me in its message that I have to let God be in control of things.

Sadly, I confess, I can easily place myself as the subject in this song. In my immaturity as a Christian, I am still somewhere in the middle. This song reminds me everyday to pray that God will help me to seek Him and His plan for my life, and not always focus so much on my plan for my life! It's like my daily confession to Him. I just wanted to share the message of this song with you because it has spoken it's message to me so loud and clear.

Somewhere between the hot and the cold.

Somewhere between the new and the old.

Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be.

Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me.

Somewhere between the wrong and the right.

Somewhere between the darkness and the light.

Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me.

Somewhere in the middle You'll find me.

(chorus) Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender?

Without losing all control?

We're fearless warriors in a picket fence

With wreckless abandon wrapped in common sense.

Deep water faith in the shallow end

And we are caught in the middle.

With eyes wide open to the differences

The God we want and the God who is

But will we trade our dreams for His

Or are we caught in the middle?

Somewhere between my heart and my hands.

Somewhere between my faith and my plans.

Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves.

Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me.

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar.

Somewhere between the altar and the door.

Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more.

Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me.

(Repeat chorus)

(This is the part that I let myself focus on the most and the part that brings me comfort...)

Lord, I feel You in this place

And I know You're by my side.

Loving me even all these nights...

When I'm caught in the middle.

The Wheels on the Bus

Jonah started back to preschool today! We have been waiting on the day that the wheels on the bus would pull into our driveway! He was so incredibly excited about riding the bus this year! He was up extra early which resulted in him being asleep when the bus dropped him off after school. Oh well!

The bus he rides is the cutest little bus! He said he really liked it when I asked him what it was like to ride the bus today. I think he had a great first day! I read "The Kissing Hand" (Thanks, "Su-Su" for letting us borrow your copy of the story.) to him last night before he went to bed, and he surprised me tonight with a special project from his first day where his teacher read the class the same story and then had them put their handprints on a piece of paper. The handprint had a special heart-shaped sticker placed in the middle of it. It's such a sweet story to read with your child before they start to school. If you haven't read it, check it out!

The wheels on the bus go round and round!

And...We're Off!

I have heard other parents say, and I think it's probably true that once your child starts to Kindergarten, it's like the years seem to race by! I have mentally tried to prepare myself for the day John Owen would start to school. I knew the day was coming...gosh, I even put it off by sending him to Pre-K for a 3rd year! :-) But this time, I couldn't put it off any longer and this week we set off on our journey to elementary school. John Owen was up early, dressed and proudly walked downstairs Monday morning. He did not ride with me as I had to be there early, but he waited on his Daddy to pick him up so they could meet me at school and we could all walk down the hallway to his class together. My mom said he went out to the mailbox after he ate his breakfast and stood there watching for Jan to drive up. He must have stood there for 20 mins! I wish I'd left her the camera so she could have taken a picture!

Daddy, Mommy & John Owen in his classroom

John Owen has a very pretty & young teacher, and we are very excited that he is in her class. Plus, she has the same first name as his Mommy, so that in itself should make him feel right at home, huh? He did so good on his first day! Even his thermos exploding his fruit punch all over him didn't put a damper on his attitude. I think he'd have worn the "red stuff" for the rest of the day with no problem. We did change his clothes, but I couldn't get all the "red stuff" out of his hair! Good grief!

Note to self: Do not put red fruit punch in his thermos again. Better yet...get a new thermos and don't spend the extra money again on the kind that exploded when opened!

What A Week!

When I look at last week's pictures of my boys taking their turn at the "spider jump" and think about how they must have felt nervous as they stepped out of their comfort zones to accomplish this, I also think about my own nervousness that surrounded this week's events and my new job I began at my new school.

The past week has been invigorating to say the least! I don't think I've really slowed down much since my feet hit the floor Monday morning! I have found that starting a new job came with much of what I expected and some things that I didn't. I expected to get to know new faces and personalities. And I have. I still have many more to meet and get to know. I have accomplished (with the help of a few WONDERFUL people) stamping and shelving the new shipment of 4500+ books our school received for collection. Whew! Can't believe we got it done! You should have seen the mountains of boxes and paper! I got excited about the new books I was putting on the shelves. I think a smile came to my face every time I shelved a book that I remembered reading. I loved books by Beverly Cleary when I was young...Ramona and Ralph S. Mouse! Remember those? Seeing those again made me feel good!

I enjoyed our speaker at our county wide inservice...you know someone is good at what they do when they have made you laugh, cry and feel like you can accomplish just about anything you put your mind to. Great motivational speaker! I wish you all could have been there to hear him speak about overcoming the "Goliaths" in your life!

And as I reflect in my exhaustion on this week's events, I have to say that I learned (or was reminded) of who I am and that the only person I can control is me. I met so many different people, people who are different from me in many ways and some who are very similar. I was reminded that leaving your "comfort zone" and finding your niche is not always easy at first. Not that I ever find this sort of thing to be extremely difficult, but the "uncomfortableness" crept up a time or two this week.

I was reminded that we can never get into the habit of placing the blame on others, but yet, look to ourselves and try to walk away from life's experiences with a deeper knowledge of what we feel comfortable doing, what the right thing to do is and where our focus should be.

Wow! Who knew a week's worth of teacher meetings and shelving library books could teach you all this? :-) Oh, and by the way...next time, I am sooo trying the "spider jump"!

Split Emotions

Well, this is it. Today marks the "official" end to my summer! Monday I will begin a new job as librarian in a very new elementary school in this county. I have had several people ask me how I feel about going back to work after having been at home with my children this past year, and I have to say that I have what I like to call "split" emotions about it.

Since my oldest child was born, I have dreamed about the day he would join me at school. I can hardly believe that day is here! I am excited about John Owen and I being in the same building every day and that he will actually come to my library for classes! (It'll be almost like home 'cause I'll still get to read to him!)

This job that God has led me to (and I truly believe He has paved the way for it) is something I have always had a heart-felt desire for, so turning it down was not an option in my mind. And staying at home for another year was not an option in my husband's mind. :-) Wait...I should not leave you with a comment like that about my hard-working husband. He even said he wished he wasn't so scared to take a chance and that I have been the best "nanny" we've ever had! He and I both share a belief that God intends for us to be wise with our finances and family and future. And together...that's what we are trying to do. 'Nuff said about that! :-)

I find comfort in the thought that I have found a wonderful Christian lady who will be here to take care of Mary Claire and Jonah. We have spent the last couple of weeks getting to know each other and getting the children adjusted, so I feel like this is also God's plan. I started praying about this person a while back and feel like she is the one God sent for us. She feels the same way about us, too, so it must be a "God thing."

Now, I am not gonna lie, I have cried. Heck, I am crying right now as I THINK about leaving Mary Claire & Jonah, but I keep telling myself the same thing I have told myself in the past when faced with having to do things that I fear doing...What doesn't kill me, can only make me stronger. And I'll just be honest, some of the strongest moms I know are those who clean their own houses, work full-time jobs and take care of their families' needs. I have done this before, I will and can do it again!

So here I am...happy and excited about being a school librarian and having John Owen with me, but sad about leaving my other two children and my house and job as full-time mom. Besides all of this, I feel extremely blessed in my life. Blessed that I have the ability to go to a job that I enjoy, blessed that I have a wonderful, loving husband and three loving, wonderful, healthy children. Knowing that we are all in this together as a family is comforting. Knowing that the Lord is with us as we make this change is all the comfort I need.

Nicole

Zoo Trip

I mentioned in a previous post that I had promised my boys a trip to the zoo and we hadn't been yet this summer. So last Friday I decided it was way past due, and off we went! It was a great day for the zoo! Perfect weather, I thought. We went with some friends and had the best time! Here's some shots from our long anticipated trip to see the animals!

This little guy came out after the giraffe feeding began. I imagined he was saying, "Hey! Why didn't anybody wake me to say it was time to eat?!" He went straight over to the others and worked his way closer to the "zoo guy" for his share of the food.

Did you know the average height of a newborn giraffe is 6ft? And its average weight is 150 lbs? Whoa! And I thought Jonah was a big baby! :-)

Gimme a high five, man!

At this point, Mary Claire started making monkey sounds and the people next to us started pointing at her! Guess she didn't like those monkeys getting ALL the attention!

My feelings exactly!

I'm sorry, Mrs. Hippo, but if I were you, I'd have my large self in that cool water on a day like today and not be lying on the hot concrete sleeping!

Pandas! They hardly moved, so Jonah's question to me was..."Mommy, are they real?"

Me and the kiddos!

Everybody smile! OK, Mary Claire might have been a little thirsty! :-)

And this is what a fun-filled day at the zoo will do to you!

Zzzz....

I Gave In...

This past Tuesday, Jonah had his 4 year checkup with his doctor, so I decided that if the rain held off, we would just make a trip over to the zoo while in Memphis! My boys have been asking me for most of the summer about going back to the zoo, and we haven't been yet! So, I put it on my "to do before school starts" list!

Well, Mother Nature had other plans on Tuesday and they were not conducive for an outing to the zoo. In an attempt to appease my somewhat disappointed children, I let them choose from 3 different FUN places to eat with INDOOR play places...Chick-Fil-A, McDonald's or Chuck E. Cheese's. I secretly hoped they'd choose the first, but deep down, I knew which one they'd go nuts over! CHUCK E. CHEESE'S!!!

So...I gave in! :-) And we had the best time! I was so happy to see that they had renovated the whole place. New games more age appropriate for Jonah and more rides which both boys enjoyed. We ordered our pizza and drinks and proceeded to indulge ourselves in using those golden tokens as fast as we could on whatever they wanted to do!

John Owen loves video games...I think it's a gene he inherited directly from his daddy! He's in hog heaven with a good race car game or shooting game or anything that tests your skill!

Jonah loved the rides most of all. He was even a handsome prince helping his little princess sister to ride in the horse-drawn carriage!

And Mary Claire just loved that she could scream all she wanted while sitting in her high chair and it bothered no one since the shrills were drowned out by the boops and beeps and ringing and shrieks of joy inside Chuck E. Cheese's!

We don't go to Chuck E. Cheese's very often, so this was a special treat for the boys. They even thanked me when we left for bringing them to Chuck E. Cheese's! Without me having to prompt their gratefulness...now that's something! hehe

Never underestimate the power of video games, pizza and a little Chuck E. Cheese's!!!

Oh, and by the way...we did make it to the zoo later in the week! That post is coming soon. :-)