Friday, July 31, 2009

Split Emotions

Well, this is it. Today marks the "official" end to my summer! Monday I will begin a new job as librarian in a very new elementary school in this county. I have had several people ask me how I feel about going back to work after having been at home with my children this past year, and I have to say that I have what I like to call "split" emotions about it.

Since my oldest child was born, I have dreamed about the day he would join me at school. I can hardly believe that day is here! I am excited about John Owen and I being in the same building every day and that he will actually come to my library for classes! (It'll be almost like home 'cause I'll still get to read to him!)

This job that God has led me to (and I truly believe He has paved the way for it) is something I have always had a heart-felt desire for, so turning it down was not an option in my mind. And staying at home for another year was not an option in my husband's mind. :-) Wait...I should not leave you with a comment like that about my hard-working husband. He even said he wished he wasn't so scared to take a chance and that I have been the best "nanny" we've ever had! He and I both share a belief that God intends for us to be wise with our finances and family and future. And together...that's what we are trying to do. 'Nuff said about that! :-)

I find comfort in the thought that I have found a wonderful Christian lady who will be here to take care of Mary Claire and Jonah. We have spent the last couple of weeks getting to know each other and getting the children adjusted, so I feel like this is also God's plan. I started praying about this person a while back and feel like she is the one God sent for us. She feels the same way about us, too, so it must be a "God thing."

Now, I am not gonna lie, I have cried. Heck, I am crying right now as I THINK about leaving Mary Claire & Jonah, but I keep telling myself the same thing I have told myself in the past when faced with having to do things that I fear doing...What doesn't kill me, can only make me stronger. And I'll just be honest, some of the strongest moms I know are those who clean their own houses, work full-time jobs and take care of their families' needs. I have done this before, I will and can do it again!

So here I am...happy and excited about being a school librarian and having John Owen with me, but sad about leaving my other two children and my house and job as full-time mom. Besides all of this, I feel extremely blessed in my life. Blessed that I have the ability to go to a job that I enjoy, blessed that I have a wonderful, loving husband and three loving, wonderful, healthy children. Knowing that we are all in this together as a family is comforting. Knowing that the Lord is with us as we make this change is all the comfort I need.



Christi said...

Right there with ya, sister!!! We'll lean on each other for support :)

Elizabeth said...

Good Luck! I know when I went back after I had Holden for a month it was the hardest and most emotional time. (part were hormones too:) However, a great plus with your job is that you will have the summers off and John Owen close by. I wish you the best of luck and will be thinking of you!

Laura Dawson said...

I will be praying for you this week:)along with the other mommies out there going "back to work"!