I went through her usual bedtime routine slowly, and when she asked for it, I gently replied, "Remember, you gave it to Daddy to throw away." (Notice the immediate transfer of responsibility there?! hehe I didn't feel prepared for this at all! This was not the way I had played this out in my mind!) I felt like a new mom all over again as I sat and listened to her over the monitor for what seemed like forever. (Remember that feeling?) I wanted to go and get that paci and give it to her...I have wanted to give it to her several times since then...but, I am plagued by the thought that it might be worse to have to do this again. And I don't want that!
After a few days of torturing myself with questions surrounding "our" removal of the paci, I started thinking...
Maybe, just maybe, the underlying issue here is my own difficulty with "letting go". After all, that paci, as small as it may be, represents one of the last "baby" things for us. I have been thinking alot about my good friends D.W. and Rachel who will soon face the task of becoming brand new parents, and I know what they are about to embark upon. We are in 2 different places right now, but I am not sure which is harder...becoming a new parent or letting go of the baby phase. Either way, you have to figure out how you are going to deal with it. And I am still trying to deal with this "pacifier issue". I don't like that she has trouble going to sleep now at night when before she would just drift off to sleep easily. Naptime has been an issue, too, with her crying most of the time and us having to go in and tell her to lay down and go to sleep whereas before I HARDLY EVER had to say a word to her.
Right now, the only thoughts I have to try to remedy the situation are to go ahead with my plan for the "good-bye" production :-) even though she hasn't SEEN the pacifier in almost a week! A fellow teacher gave me a wonderful idea a couple of months ago. She said that if Mary Claire liked balloons, (and SHE DOES) we could tie the pacifier to a helium-filled balloon and have her let it go outside! Of course, I can't do that today as I watch the inches of snow piling up outside my window... But, perhaps tomorrow we could give it a shot. Perhaps together, Mary Claire and Mommy, we can "let it go"--her with her pacifier and me with my "baby phase" detachment. (Wish I could tie mine to a balloon. Wouldn't that be easy?) :-)
These are the only 2 pictures I could quickly find of Mary Claire and her pacifier. She looks so little in these pictures!
This is my "big girl"...taken a couple of days ago when she was playing dress up in her SnowWhite costume! Hard to believe she'll be 3 at the end of May! Preschool, here we come!