Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Letting It Go

A week ago tomorrow we took the pacifier away from Mary Claire. And I say "we", but the truth is my husband decided while I was working late last Thursday night that it was time to say "good-bye" to the pacifier. And since I am "full-on" with honesty here, I will admit that I am a little upset at the way it was done. (Believe me, I have told him so!) I had envisioned a wonderful day when together we would all wish a fond farewell to the pacifier. I have been contemplating exactly how I wanted it done or the choices I would give her for saying "good-bye". You know, some big production of sorts. I mean, this is a BIG deal, right? This pacifier has been with her since before she can even remember. I bet it seems like a PART of her! And last Thursday after he informed me that THEY had thrown the paci away, he LEFT TO GO PLAY BASKETBALL with the guys...leaving ME to be the one to put her to bed for the 1st time WITHOUT the paci! (O.K., sorry! A little venting there.)

I went through her usual bedtime routine slowly, and when she asked for it, I gently replied, "Remember, you gave it to Daddy to throw away." (Notice the immediate transfer of responsibility there?! hehe I didn't feel prepared for this at all! This was not the way I had played this out in my mind!) I felt like a new mom all over again as I sat and listened to her over the monitor for what seemed like forever. (Remember that feeling?) I wanted to go and get that paci and give it to her...I have wanted to give it to her several times since then...but, I am plagued by the thought that it might be worse to have to do this again. And I don't want that!

After a few days of torturing myself with questions surrounding "our" removal of the paci, I started thinking...
Maybe, just maybe, the underlying issue here is my own difficulty with "letting go". After all, that paci, as small as it may be, represents one of the last "baby" things for us. I have been thinking alot about my good friends D.W. and Rachel who will soon face the task of becoming brand new parents, and I know what they are about to embark upon. We are in 2 different places right now, but I am not sure which is harder...becoming a new parent or letting go of the baby phase. Either way, you have to figure out how you are going to deal with it. And I am still trying to deal with this "pacifier issue". I don't like that she has trouble going to sleep now at night when before she would just drift off to sleep easily. Naptime has been an issue, too, with her crying most of the time and us having to go in and tell her to lay down and go to sleep whereas before I HARDLY EVER had to say a word to her.

Right now, the only thoughts I have to try to remedy the situation are to go ahead with my plan for the "good-bye" production :-) even though she hasn't SEEN the pacifier in almost a week! A fellow teacher gave me a wonderful idea a couple of months ago. She said that if Mary Claire liked balloons, (and SHE DOES) we could tie the pacifier to a helium-filled balloon and have her let it go outside! Of course, I can't do that today as I watch the inches of snow piling up outside my window...  But, perhaps tomorrow we could give it a shot. Perhaps together, Mary Claire and Mommy, we can "let it go"--her with her pacifier and me with my "baby phase" detachment. (Wish I could tie mine to a balloon. Wouldn't that be easy?) :-)

These are the only 2 pictures I could quickly find of Mary Claire and her pacifier. She looks so little in these pictures!

This is my "big girl"...taken a couple of days ago when she was playing dress up in her Snow
 White costume! Hard to believe she'll be 3 at the end of May! Preschool, here we come!


Christi said...

And the other hard part of letting go of that paci ---- they look so stinking cute with them! Ree,ber when P lost his to the ducks at the zoo on accident? That started it for us. One of the best accidents we had!

Georgia said...

I completly understand what you are saying about letting go of the "baby phase". Aniston broke herself about 2 months ago. She bit a hole in it and every other one that we would give her. She just quit asking for them.:( I will admit it was bittersweet. I mean she wasn't even two and that was one of the last things that made her "a baby". She also started having trouble falling asleep.....and still does. And to top it off, she is potty trained. Where does time go???

Elizabeth said...

Such a male thing to throw it away and then leave it for you to deal with! Sound like something Kevin would do! Yes, I think it is harder to let go of the baby stage. Not only does it mean she is growing up but it is also one step closer to moving out and having their own life. Well, hopefully the snow will not deter you from having your production and letting go together. Good luck!

Cherri said...

Yes, the baby phase... hard to let go of that sweet baby talk, adorable baby toddle... but there are so many "firsts" yet to come! We're all just trying to soak up as much as we can as they grow!!!

The Howard 5 said...

I too hated that, and it just gets worse! I am so sad that mine aren't babies anymore and wonder where the time went! 11, 10, and 6 REALLY??????